Feb 112015
 

courtesy Nicole Hanusek via Flickr CCMaintaining passion in a long-term relationship is “critically important” according to Jacq Jones, sex educator and owner of Sugar the Shop. Sure, things like trust and stability are important, but she points out that it is passion that keeps a couple bonded and reminds them of why they’re together.

The problem is that when you see the same thing every day – even someone you love – eventually you stop seeing it. It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just the way people are hardwired. The good news is that the answer is pretty simple: just stop and look at them again, rediscovering what it is that attracted you in the first place.

That was easy when the relationship started – New Relationship Energy is full of focused one-on-one time, but that’s not something that is really sustainable in the long term. However, there is a big advantage to knowing your partner so well – you replace the novelty of “shiny and new” with being able to show your partner your love in exactlythe way they want. Jacq’s wife brings her lattes, for example, because she knows that’s what makes her feel loved and appreciated.

It’s an ongoing theme from all the sex educators who talk about keeping passion alive: it’s not what you do, it’s the way that you do it. Even something as simple as cuddling sexually takes some deliberate practice. Gray and Poetic demonstrate in the video that there can be a lot more to it than just laying there together. Too often the “cuddling” just has one person stroking the “same damn spot”, which becomes less affectionate and more annoying. If you are present, though, you can stroke in ways that show your partner that you are present and aware in the moment. That kind of communication improves the intimacy whether it’s got sex involved or not.

Dr. Ruthie is one of the most knowledgeable experts on PassionateU when it comes to dating your spouse. One of the keys she recommends is remembering the link between humor and romance. When a couple laughs together, she explains, it helps increase the intimate connection between them. These little shared moments of “silly” behavior and public displays of affection can do a lot to bring and keep a couple together. Her video clip also gives some ideas to get past the self-consciousness that can keep you from expressing your feelings for your partner openly.

“A rut is a rut, even if it’s what, we’re doing it on the chandelier again?” says Ducky Doolittle in the beginning of her Amp it Up series. Humans naturally look for faster and more efficient ways to get things done, and that includes each other. When you’ve been together for a long time you tend to get to know each other’s sexual triggers. You learn exactly what position, what speed, what words get your partner off. Perversely, though, that means you have less sex because you’re so good at it. Ducky recommends one way to get out of that habit is to pick out “new fuckspots.” In other words, that place where you usually have sex? Have it somewhere else. “Look at all the furniture in your living room,” she says, “and think about how you’re going to fuck your way across that room.”

Another way to renew the connection and magic is through giving and receiving sexual energy. Mark and Patricia, authors of Partners in Passion, talk about how some tantric techniques can directly improve your connection. For example, they talk about the concept of “isolating” your sexual activity. That’s not just a matter of only doing one thing (like kissing). No, when they say isolate they mean that one partner gives the sensation while the other one recieves. No expectation of reciprocity – and that’s a lot harder than you might expect.

The difficulty is part of the point, though. It takes more focus and conscious effort, and that translates into attention on your partner. Whether you’re the giver or the reciever it takes effort, and knowing that makes you more aware of the effort your partner is putting into what they are doing.

This can translate into bigger activities, something like the pussy romance Mickey Mod and Dylan Ryan demonstrate explicitly in their video. There’s so much attention given to the G-spot and the clit and penetrative sex – what about the rest of the vulva? Taking your time to explore the labia (minora and majora), the different muscle structures within the vagina, or even just the joy that can come from a slow massage of the mons veneris. These are all things that can get overlooked or tokenized during sex – changing them to the focus can lead to a whole new path of pleasure.

So don’t worry if it feels like you’re getting in a routine in your relationship: that means you’re doing it right! With a little effort you can shake things up just enough to remind you both why you’re so hot for each other all over again, and enjoy the sexy times for years to come.

Oct 112014
 
This entry is part 4 of 8 in the series Phone Sex with Ashley Manta

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Phone sex can be hard work! Ashley goes over some of the items you might want to have on hand when you’re getting it on with someone from a distance. She starts with practical things – a hands-free headset, a charged phone, water to keep your moans hydrated – but also goes into more esoteric things like toys, dildos, and even kinky items to spice up your fantasy.

Oct 032014
 
This entry is part 9 of 12 in the series Amp it Up

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Anticipation and spontaneity can juice up your sex life in surprising ways. Looking forward to your lover’s touch, the sight of their body, the kinds of things you do together – that enriches what Ducky calls the “sexual imagination.” Spontaneity, on the other hand, is when you give in to your desire in unexpected ways that surprise your partner and yourself. Ducky gives several examples and then encourages you to find your own passion in spontaneity and anticipation!

Sep 122014
 
This entry is part 13 of 13 in the series Erotic Dancing

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Andre Shakti finishes up her long series on erotic dance with a quick overview of the subject so far and then some ideas for continuing your exploration. Dance can be part of foreplay, it can be an intimate experience in and of itself – but most of all, it doesn’t have to be something that only happens once.

Sep 072014
 
This entry is part 8 of 8 in the series Phone Sex with Ashley Manta

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Once the hot phone sex is done, there’s one more thing you owe your partner. Maybe not right after, but at some point you should have a conversation about how it went. Ashley believes firmly that absolute honesty is needed here – tell them what words turned you on, what ones didn’t, and listen to their own descriptions. Of course, this needs to be in a positive tone, and Ashley explains how to give and receive constructive and honest criticism. She also notes that it’s a skill that will serve you well in-person, too!

Aug 082014
 
This entry is part 8 of 12 in the series Amp it Up

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Ducky often asks her audiences if anyone has ever received a compliment on their cock, their pussy, some intimate part. The reactions are often shocked, but there are a few people…and they always say it made them feel great. Ducky suggests in this clip both the reasons and the ways to affirm for your partner the things you like about them. After all, she says, if you don’t, who will?

Jul 292014
 
This entry is part 7 of 12 in the series Amp it Up

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Communication is both one of the most essential and most difficult parts of a sexual relationship. Asking for what you want – or explaining to a partner how what you want may have changed – can be a tricky process. Ducky has some solid suggestions for how to make it easier and even fun, bringing flirtation into the process and helping you really get what you want out of your sexual relationship.

Jul 272014
 
This entry is part 3 of 8 in the series Phone Sex with Ashley Manta

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Do you like the word “moist”? How about your partner? Better figure it out before you have that hot phone sex session! Ashley talks in this clip about how important it can be to make sure you’re both aware of what kind of words, ideas, and fantasies turn you both on. She goes over several different areas, from the kinds of acts you want to talk about to the kind of grammar you’re going to be using, so that when you pick up the phone you are ready to keep things on the sexy side.

Jul 102014
 
This entry is part 2 of 8 in the series Phone Sex with Ashley Manta

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Once you know that you want to have some hot phone sex, it can still be embarrassing to tell your partner. Ashley talks about some of the preconceptions and shame that can come along with the idea of phone sex, but she also talks about how to overcome them. She gives you some concrete examples of how to ask for what you want in a way that will establish boundaries, consent, and sexiness with your partner.

Jul 042014
 
This entry is part 4 of 12 in the series Male Domination, Female Submission

Scotty and Annie talk about role-playing the fantasy of “consensual nonconsent” in this clip, focusing on the most important tool for that kind of play: the safeword. That is a word used to let the other person know either that things are not ok, that they are ok, or both. Whether it’s some strange word like “petunia” or the more traditional “red, yellow, green”, understanding this concept and how to use it is a key part of a good power exchange relationship.

Jun 292014
 
This entry is part 1 of 8 in the series Phone Sex with Ashley Manta

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After working as a phone sex operator, Ashley Manta is a big fan of the whole idea. Phone sex combines the hotness of intimacy with the wild abandon of imagination, all without ever having to get out of bed! She explains many of the advantages whether you’re living together or long-distance, and whets your appetite for upcoming clips!

May 022014
 
This entry is part 2 of 7 in the series Key Principles of Tantra

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In this clip Mark and Patricia explain an essential concept of tantra: having reverence for your partner. This kind of support and respect can help you bring pleasure to your partner and, more than that, Mark explains that the effects can go beyond your relationship into the larger world.

Apr 242014
 

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 In other clips, Jacq Jones has talked about all of the benefits and wonders of monogamous relationships. In this clip, she talks about some of the common things that can go wrong, along with some suggestions for how to face and overcome the challenges as they occur.

Apr 202014
 
This entry is part 4 of 7 in the series Key Principles of Tantra

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Mark and Patricia talk in this clip about how exploring your own sexuality can be a path to self-awareness. Drawing parallels with other spiritual disciplines, they give several examples for self-discovery. Part of the fun is changing things up and trying new things – new positions, new lubes, whatever seems right. This can help give you new tools for improving your relationships with others, too!

Dec 272013
 

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Stefanos shares what he went through when he had his vasectomy, from the initial consultation through the post-operative healing process. The actual operation took only a few minutes, but there were other things that he felt were very important to remember – such as ICE! and taking it easy for 48 hours afterwards. He also discusses clearly the option and consequences of sex as a man is healing from a vasectomy.

Nov 242013
 

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In this clip Dr. Jenn explains how the mindfulness she’s outlined before can be directly applied to communicating with your partner. It helps you identify automatic patterns, both in yourself and them. It can also give you the tools of presence and attention that can change the way you interact for the better.

Nov 142013
 

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Find yourself a comfortable spot, shut off your beeping things, and take a few minutes to join Dr. Jenn in a guided meditation. It’s designed to help you become more aware of your five senses and of your environment. Practices like this translate into more enjoyment of sex as well, but you have to start somewhere – so how about here on PassionateU?

Sep 222013
 

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Andre Shakti and Dylan Ryan talk frankly about the difficulties that can arise when you are trying to talk about pornography with your partner. They give many precious bits of advice on how to keep an open mind and a loving heart as you work to get past the cultural stigma and listen to what your partner really has to say.

Sep 032013
 

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 Dr. Ruthie explains in this clip that many of the same stresses you face in everyday life can impact your sex life as well. She mentions examples like career and the kind of bickering that can develop in a relationship, then suggests several techniques for overcoming these stressors with your partner.

Jun 292013
 

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 Andre Shakti and Dylan Ryan use this clip to model an example of how a woman might tell her husband about her interest in porn. They show how using non-judgmental and supportive language can help create more intimacy. They also stress that being open about your own insecurities is a key way to deal with them and turn this situation into a way to strengthen down the relationship.

Jun 252013
 

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 While the idea of “two becoming one” is romantic, Dr. Ruthie explains that it may not be the most stable way to nurture a relationship. Instead, she suggests a “triangle” made up of the two individuals and the relationship itself, with all being nurtured and supported together. This gives you a team to make it through the stressful times together, which she’ll explain further in other clips.

Jun 222013
 

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 Kelly Shibari makes a very clear list of the right and wrong things to do and say when your partner is gaining weight. These can be more subtle than you’d think, including the fact that the issue should be faced together as partners. Kelly gives concrete communication tools as well so that you can be supportive of your partner as their body changes.

Jun 212013
 

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 Andre Shakti and Dylan Ryan model the way a conversation might go between a man and a woman about porn. They talk about a lot of the concerns and the insecurities that can come from watching actors have sex, and also show how these concerns can be relieved by open communication and supportive, loving openness. If you’re dreading having a talk with your significant other about porn, this clip shows how it can be a wonderful relationship-supporting event.

Jun 082013
 

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 Dr. Ruthie continues to explain how couples can work through difficulties such as power imbalances and respect and esteem issues. She gives some concrete tools such as the “Awesome/Appreciation” technique for couples to share at the end of the day.