You’ve got a hot date tonight. You’re hoping to get lucky – or maybe it’s a sure thing, and you just want to make it easier to have things happen. In that moment between the shower and heading out the door, there’s one important decision you need to make:
What should I wear?
It’s an important question, and it starts deep inside your brain. As Ivy Miller tells us in a video about body image and feeling sexy, “The mirror is a sneaky little fucker.” When we put on “sexy clothing” and look at ourselves in the mirror, we rarely see the sexy – instead, we see all the little flaws that we obsess about. On the other hand, people who are attracted to you tend to focus on the things that they find attractive – and overlook just about everything else. The first step in figuring out what to wear is to try and get into your partner’s head: What do they like to see me in? The second step is to let the fact that they think you are sexy make you feel sexy.
That doesn’t mean that you just dress to please others. Arden Sirens, in her series on Seduction, explains how the process is not so much about changing yourself into something you aren’t as it is about changing yourself into someone you want to be. She talks about how to use clothing and accessories to draw your partner’s eye, and even covers ways of moving and standing to give a more sexy and inviting posture. Remember, it’s not just what you wear, it’s how you wear it that completes the sexy ensemble.
That means you also might want to plan ahead? Are you and your lover going to have some kind of rough foreplay? Probably a good idea to wear clothing that will either bear up under it (denim, or heavy cotton) or else wear items that you don’t mind losing. It can be a really hot thing to hear a lover say “I want you to just rip off my clothes!”, but it’s a good idea to come prepared if that’s where you’re going.
Of course, there are other ways to remove clothing that aren’t as violent. Maybe you’d like to do a slow striptease for your lover? Professional burlesque performer Andre Shakti has an entire course on erotic dancing, including a clip all about what to wear. She echoes the advice of Arden Sirens: it’s about clothing that makes you feel comfortable in your own body, because that’s what will let you really embrace the erotic feelings. Andre also talks about other factors of the dance – the environment, the music, even the lighting – but one of the most important reasons to watch is for her advice about the right shoes to wear.
While the “stripper” can be a fun fantasy, there are an infinite number of role-playing scenarios that you can create with just a few items of clothing. Julian Wolf is a huge fan of acting out fantasies, and gives some really solid and concrete advice about how just a few simple items can feed the imagination and create an entire persona. You don’t need an entire outfit to be the sexy French maid – a feather duster and a silly accent might be all the “costume” you need. A loose scarf tied around the head and a belt around a loose shirt and suddenly you’re a pirate, all set to plunder some booty. Princess Kali also gives a great presentation on fantasy role play, and in Part 4 she really dives into the ways to incorporate costumes and props to make your sexy fantasies a reality.
It comes down to some basic principles: Wear what makes you feel sexy, and your lover will love the sexy you that is feeling sexy wearing it. Wear the things that make it easier for the things you want to do to actually happen. Work with what you have and trust that the sexy imaginations of you and your lover will do the rest. With this in mind, your closet can be transformed from just a place to keep your clothes into a gateway of seduction, pleasure, and fantasy-fulfillment.