Confidence is the sexiest attribute. Appearance is a far second to anyone with an aura of genuine confidence. Arrogance, an attitude of superiority (without the skills to back it up). Beware the thin line between the two.
Confidence comes from feeling sure about yourself, comfortable in your own skin and with your Self. Don’t be a shrinking flower, be a blooming rose. There’s a reason red is the most eye catching color and is frequently seen as the color of passion.
You don’t have to be perfect to be confident. It’s not about never making mistakes. It’s about allowing yourself the grace to simply be the best you can be and that includes in the bedroom!
1) Start accepting your body. Obviously, this doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s something you should work on every day. Every day same something nice to yourself about your body. Celebrate that your body is part of you but that you are much more than your body. When you’re feeling bad about your body, compliment yourself that isn’t physically related. Do a few personal acceptance exercises and learn to love your body. The confidence you gain is more than worth it.
2) Stop criticizing your body. It’s hard to “be” sexy if you aren’t feeling sexy. If you’re constantly letting that inner critic run her mouth (and we all do it) then find a way to ball-gag her so you stop the self-shaming. There is truly someone attracted to every type of person out there. If you point out your ‘faults’ then not only are you focusing on them but you’re focusing your partners attention on them. And by the way, they aren’t faults.
3) Cultivate the sensuality in yourself and in your life. Sensuality means using your senses, so celebrate them all. Not everyone is a fan of scented candles (plus they’re kind of dangerous!) so find another way to active your aromatic ambience. You can get both scent and taste by slowing down your meals to savor the experience. Play your favorite music but make it soft, just enough so you can hear it in the background. Look for the beauty in everyday life. Stop and appreciate those moments. Including those moments you feel, for whatever reason, fantastic about yourself.
4) Make your bedroom a sexual retreat. Even if you have a family you can take the t.v. out (let me repeat that, TAKE THE TV OUT!!), bring in some inexpensive pillows that you can use to plush up your bed (they make great support to try out new sex positions!), and replace your light switches with dinners (it’s inexpensive to do). If you don’t have kids to worry about, put some sensual art on the walls. It doesn’t have to be explicit, but something that makes you feel sexy looking at it. For good feng shui only use art with two people for good relationships. Keep any sex toys you have close by in a dresser drawer or in a plastic bin under the bed.
You don’t have to have the perfect porn star sex moves down pat, you don’t have to look like a super-model and you DON’T have to be able to pretzel yourself into tantra positions to have confidence in the bedroom. Let your physical criticisms go (those dimmer lights can help with that!) focus on the skills you DO have and most of all relax and have fun. That’s the most confident, and sexy thing you can do.